10. Michelob Ultra
Michelob is a brand of beers produced by the Anheuser-Busch brewery. The first beer in the range is a 5% abv pale lager developed by Adolphus Busch in 1896 as a "draught beer for connoisseurs".
Woman Says “I care about burning calories, but I still like to party.” The Ultra-ultra-chick magnet, Michelob Ultra can be the perfect accessory to the health conscious stud. It hardly tastes like anything, let alone beer, so it’s the perfect alternative to the carb-loaded big brother- the pint. Maybe you can set up a gym date with the toned girl in the corner, sipping on a vodka and soda.
Counterpoint:Michelob Ultra – Hey, if you want to drink watered down beer, get Miller Lite or Natty Lite – both are awesome, and you can drink 25 of them. Ultra was a fad, but it has a bad aftertaste. Still, acceptable for me, because at least its BEER, but if you tailgate at a football game Michelob Ultra, you’ll quickly be given a bad nickname like “Sparkles McWears-a-Thong.”
9. Long Island Ice Tea
A Long Island Iced Tea is a highball made with, among other ingredients, vodka, gin, tequila, and rum. A popular version mixes equal parts vodka, gin, tequila, rum and triple sec with 1 1/2 parts sour mix and a splash of cola. Most variants use equal parts of the main liquors but include a smaller amount of triple sec (or other orange-flavored liquor). Close variants often replace the sour mix with sweet and sour mix or with lemon juice, the cola with actual iced tea, or add white creme de menthe; however, most variants do not include any tea, despite the name of the drink. Some restaurants substitute brandy for the tequila.
The drink has a much higher alcohol concentration (~28%) than most highballs because of the proportionally small amount of mixer. Long islands can be ordered "extra long" which signals the bartender to even further increase the alcohol to mixer ratio.
Outside of the United States, this highball is often altered, due to the unpopularity of sour mix. Long Island Iced Tea served outside the States is often made of liquors and cola alone (without sour mix), with lemon or lime juice, orange juice or with lime cordial.
In the UK Angostura bitters replaces sour mix in the cocktail.
In a popular west-coast variation, the Long Beach Iced Tea, a splash of cranberry juice is used instead of cola. Additionally, the amount of sour mix is reduced slightly to one part, and a splash of lemon-lime soda is added.
When you see a woman sucking down a long island, you know she’s looking to get wasted. So why not join her? Sidle next to the sloppiest looking group of Bachelorette party revelers you can find, and let them know you’re here, you’re possibly not queer, and you’re ready to party. You may drop 18 dollars on one cocktail, but you won’t need many more. If you’re lucky, you’ll be holding back some hottie’s hair in the bathroom in no time.
Counterpoint:Long Island Ice Tea – This is technically OK, because a broke drinker needs as much alcohol to get drunk in one drink as possible, so this is an acceptable glass of arsenic. Pound away.
8. Peach Bellini
A Bellini is a long drink cocktail that originated in Italy. It is a mixture of sparkling wine (traditionally Prosecco) and peach purée often served at celebrations. It is one of Italy's most popular cocktails.
The Bellini was invented sometime between 1934 and 1948 by Giuseppe Cipriani, founder of Harry's Bar in Venice, Italy. Because of its unique pink color, which reminded Cipriani of the color of the toga of a saint in a painting by 15th-century Venetian artist Giovanni Bellini, he named the drink the Bellini.
The drink started as a seasonal specialty at Harry's Bar, a favorite haunt of Ernest Hemingway, Sinclair Lewis and Orson Welles. Later, it also became popular at the bar's New York counterpart. After an entrepreneurial Frenchman set up a business to ship fresh white peach pureé to both locations, it was a year-round favorite.
If a woman is looking to take you home, she’ll find solace in the idea that you’re likely to stick around for brunch.
Counterpoint:Peach Bellini – Inexcusable. You are not a man and you probably can tell the difference between Minolo shoes and Charles Davids. (Why do I know these references?? I have mad game, that’s why).
7. Chablis Wine
The Chablis region is the northernmost wine district of the Burgundy region in France. The grapevines around the town of Chablis are almost all Chardonnay, making a dry white wine renowned for the purity of its aroma and taste. The northern location along the 48th parallel north place Chablis at the northern extremes of viable viticulture. The cool climate of this region produces wines with more acidity and flavors less fruity than Chardonnay wines grown in warmer climates, The wines often have a "flinty" note, sometimes described as "goût de pierre à fusil", tasting of gunflint, and sometimes as "steely". In comparison to the white wines from the rest of Burgundy, Chablis has on average much less influence of oak. Most basic Chablis is completely unoaked, and vinified in stainless steel tanks. The amount of barrel maturation, if any, is a stylistic choice which varies widely among Chablis producers. Many Grand Cru and Premier Cru wines receive some maturation in oak barrels, but typically the time in barrel and the proportion of new barrels is much smaller than for white wines of Côte de Beaune.
Chablis lies about 100 miles (160 km) north of Beaune, situated roughly halfway between Burgundy's heartland in Côte d'Or and Paris. It is closer to the southern Aube district of Champagne than the rest of Burgundy. Of France's wine-growing areas, only Champagne has a more northerly location. The region covers 15 kilometres (9.3 mi) x 20 kilometres (12 mi) across 27 communes located along the Serein river. The soil is Kimmeridge clay with outcrops of the same chalk layer that extends from Sancerre up to the White Cliffs of Dover, giving a name to the paleontologists' Cretaceous period. The Grand Crus, the best vineyards in the area, all lie in one small southwest facing slope located just north of the town of Chablis.
It is likely that vines came to the region with the Romans, if not before. As elsewhere, the Dark Ages saw monasteries putting great effort into viticulture for communion wine, and the proximity of Auxerre meant that the market in Paris was readily accessible. There are records in the mid-15th century of Chablis wine being shipped to England, Flanders and Picardy. But in February 1568 the town was razed by the Huguenots, and the region did not really recover until the 18th century. Then came the ravages of the French Revolution, the Little Ice Age and Prussian invasions. Just as the vineyards were being built back up, they were hit first by oidium in the 1880s, and then by the phylloxera epidemic. Following two World Wars, the Chablis wine industry wouldn't recover till the second half of the 20th century.
Says you’re a man who knows his wine. Chablis is light, delicious, and fruity.
Also, it would be funny if Saxby Chambliss drank Chablis (or even better, owned a vineyard).
Counterpoint:Chablis – As my friend JOHN HENSON says, “If you’re drinking a Chablis, I’m pulling your MAN card.”
6. Mango Margarita
A school of thought that says, “hey, let’s take a totally drinkable, masculine, but still sweet drink, and make it FRUITIER”. You’re telling women that you like to plus every endeavor you take on. Lime juice and sweet and sour aren’t good enough for you. You’re going whole hog, and you’d like to with her.
Counterpoint:Mango Margarita – Only in Mexico or other tropical places, and then, you’re only allowed ONE. Then, move to tequila, regular margaritas or cold Mexican beer.
5. Cosmo drink
A cosmopolitan is a cocktail made with vodka, Cointreau or Triple Sec, cranberry juice, and fresh-squeezed lime juice or sweetened lime juice. Informally, it is referred to as a Cosmo.
According to the International Bartenders Association the original recipe is based on vodka citron, lemon-flavored vodka. The cosmopolitan is a relative of cranberry coolers like the Cape Codder. Though often presented far differently, the cosmopolitan also bears a likeness in composition to the kamikaze cocktail.
This origins of the cosmopolitan are somewhat disputed. It is likely that the drink was created independently by different bartenders since the 1970s. It is generally recognized that John Caine brought the drink to San Francisco around 1987 from the Midwest. The same year in Manhattan, the internationally recognized version of the cocktail was created by Toby Cecchini, based on a poorly described version of Cheryl Cook's creation.
The Cosmo is a lethal addition to your chick drink arsenal. Not too sweet, totally drinkable, and a perfect entrée into conversation. The martini glass can be a little hazardous to balance, but unlike the women you’ll be drinking with, your shoes probably don’t cost 400 bucks, so what’s the big deal? There’s probably already booze on them anyway.
Counterpoint:Cosmo – Unacceptable. Never drink something flourescent. AND never drink something you have to BALANCE to properly sip… Unless its a regular Martini.
4. Peach Schnapps
Schnapps is a type of distilled alcoholic beverage. The English word schnapps is derived from the German Schnaps (plural, Schnäpse), which can refer to any strong alcoholic drink but particularly those containing at least 32% ABV (64 proof). American schnapps, however, are liqueurs.
Both the German and the English word are pronounced Schnaps . German spelling requires that Schnaps be capitalized.
Schnaps is a Low German noun that means swallow; it has been documented in its High German meaning since before the 18th century.
The go-to drink for high-school girls, Peach Schnapps tells women you’re young at heart and your breath is going to smell sweet. Fondly reminisce with her about the first time she first got wasted (whether that’s in someone’s basement, at a college party she snuck into, or under a bridge). Extra points if you can pull off drinking it out of a paper bag.
Counterpoint:Peach Schnapps – OK if in high school and cant get any other booze. Otherwise, dont talk to me.
3. Red Headed Slut
Themed, sweet shots are all the rage with the ladies these days, especially if they have a sassy name. They may be super sugary, but the company you keep when drinking them makes it worth it. Order up a round of Purple Nurples, and let the good times roll.
Counterpoint:Red Headed Slut (and other girly shots) – Unless these are given to you free by a waitress at a theme bar like Margaritaville or the Saddleranch, get away from them immediately. Sugar dose = nasty hangover – and you look stupid with a green tongue the rest of the night.
2. Smirnoff Ice/ Mikes Lemonade/ Boones Farm/ Zima/ Wine Coolers
Smirnoff is a brand of vodka now owned and produced by the British company Diageo. The Smirnoff brand began with a vodka distillery founded in Moscow by Pyotr Arsenievich Smirnov (1831-1898), the son of illiterate Russian peasants. It is now distributed in 130 countries.
Smirnoff products include vodka, flavored vodka, and malt beverages. In March 2006, Diageo North America claimed that Smirnoff vodka was the best-selling distilled spirit brand in the world.
Since you’re not a sorority girl, you probably haven’t had one of these in a while. Basically, this is like drinking a boozey soda, and I’m pretty sure you’re ok with drinking soda, so get over it. Cheers!
Counterpoint:Smirnoff Ice/Mikes/Boones etc. – These pansy drinks say this: Obviously you like to go to Vegas and hang out at pools in hotels called “REHAB” or something lame like that – Just so you can show the world how awesome your entourage is (Because it probably includes some chick from “The Hills” and Jesse Metcalfe….) LAME… The again, if I was still 22, Id rather stare at Audriana Partridge in a bikini than the women at the “Mommy, Daddy and Me” pool I go to these days at the YMCA…
The appletini, also known as the apple martini, is a cocktail containing vodka and either apple juice, apple cider, or apple liqueur. Typically, the apple vodka is shaken or stirred with a sweet and sour mix and then strained into a cocktail glass.
This combination was first served by an Irish bartender known as Barry Lovern in the late 1970s at the Ardilaun Hotel in the town of Glenard Crescent
Nothing says “I’m comfortable with my sexuality” like an apple-tini. This drink takes the philosophy of this list to the extreme. Don’t be defensive, but be ready to explain yourself, and you’ll find yourself the most popular guy in the room.
Counterpoint:Apple-tini – NO fruit slices or pieces of garnish in a drink unless its a Bloody Mary – where you can put in celery, olives, pepperoncinis, shrimp and lime and a freaking tree branch for all I care. An apple-tini tells a girl one thing: You suck in bed.
Ultimately, you should drink what you like. If that’s a fruity, blended, umbrealled concoction of dessert liquors and sprite, then so be it. But beware, just as hard liquor and beer have their drawbacks, the sugar in the aforementioned cocktails pack an unexpected punch. Be careful out there, because if there’s one thing Atom does not adovocate, it’s tummy aches at the bar.
For the uninitiated, here’s an introduction to why you should drink chick drinks, and the women who will love you…